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Desi Jokes
(Mix Moods)

 

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Girl; molvi sab i m in love.

Molvi; Naoozbila,Asteghirula,
Laholwala,Toba,Toba.........

Girl; No molvi sab...........

I am in love with u.........

Molvi; MashaAllah,JazakAllah,
SubanAllah,Whaa,Whaa........

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Bhola was busy in removing a wheel from auto,
Ramu asks: Y r u removing a wheel from ur auto?
Bhola: Can't u read 'Parking for two wheelers only'

Bhola apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Bhola: I'm falling in love.

Bhola was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got
irritated...
drank poison & said,
Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!

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Napoleon: There is no such word as 'Impossible' in my dictionary.
Bhola: To dictionary dekh kar kharidni thi ...!

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Ramu: Yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?
Bhola: tujhe yeh bhi nahin pata, Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki ja rahi
ho to use kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI

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Ramu: tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?
Bhola: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.

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Bhola: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.

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Sachin’s Daughter: Yeh Kya, Daddy Sixer pe Sixer maare jaa rahe hain Hain?
Sachin’s Wife: Arey beta, yeh toh ADVERTISEMENT Hai!

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Ab tak meri life ek khuli botal thi,
jis mein se sab perfume ki tarah ud jata tha.
Par aap ke aane se sab kuch ruk gaya,
Bhagwan kare aap jaisa DHAKKAN sabko miley.

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1980 girls: Maan mei Jeans pehanungi
Maan : Nahin beti log kya kahengey?
2006 girls: Maan mein mini skirt pehanungi
Maan: Pehen le beti kuch to pehan le!

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Lamha Lamha Waqt Guzar Jayega,
Chand Lamhon Men Exam Sar Pe Ajayega,
Abhi Bhi Waqt Hai Do Line Padh Lo,
Warna Paas Kia Munna Bhai Karwae Ga!

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Train mein TT Sadhu se bola: Kahan jana hai?
Sadhu: Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha.
TT: Ticket hai?
Sadhu: Nahin
TT: Chalo
Sadhu: Kahan?
TT: Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha.. Jail mein

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PROFESSOR :
Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jante ho?
MUNNA BHAI :
Gandhi bahut zabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun ko yeh nehin maloom ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.

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CIRCUIT :
Bhai, Bapu ne bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai. Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.
MUNNA BHAI :
Aye Circuit, woh Sabrina ka baap aya hai tere ko dund rehla hai.
CIRCUIT :
Bhai usko bolo apun gaoon gayea hai, kheti karne ko.
MUNNA BHAI :
Par Circuit, abhi to tu bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.
CIRCUIT :
Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.

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CIRCUIT :
Bhai, woh apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla hai aaj raat ko dinner pe. Mera sara chain collection apnay kamray mein chupa do na please.
MUNNABHAI :
Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?
CIRCUIT :
Nehin Bhai, woh apnay chain pechan lega.

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MUNNA BHAI :
Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT :
Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI :
Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT :
Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.

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Circuit takes a flight to Singapore and he is seated next to an Englishman. Circuit open his tiffin and serves himself a roti.
ENGLISHMAN :
What is this?
CIRCUIT :
Bread India
Circuit then open the box of jalebi.
ENGLISHMAN :
What is this?
CIRCUIT :
Sweet India
With all the food he hogged on, Munna farts. The Englishman is offended and in shock asks ...
ENGLISHMAN :
What is that?
CIRCUIT :
Air India

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CIRCUIT :
Oye Short Circuit yeh light bulb pe baap ka naam kya likh raha hai?
SHORT CIRCUIT :
Apun baap ka naam roshan kar rehle hai.

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PRINCIPAL :
Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.
MUNNA BHAI :
Boley to Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu

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This is when Amitabh Bachan got fit after his long ilness.....

one fine morning he told his drvier "Arre bhai aaj Gaadi hum chalayenge.., tum peechhe baito".

driver, "Par saab aapki tabyat?.."

amitabh "Aree meri tabyat thik ho gayi he, I am fit and fine...kya dance karke dikhau, dialogue, fighting kare dikhau.....Hain"

Ok then he starts driving the car very fast....zoooooooooom

breaks one red signal...

breaks second red signal....

breaks on more red signal...

Then a traffic hawaldar stops the car, tells the car to be sided to the road..

Tells the driver to come out... "Chalo liscence dikhao,puc, gaadi ke kagjaaat..."

Sees amitabh "are Amitabh Bachhan?!!!" he is verysuprised to see him....

Then he quickly on wireless calls his senior officers....

"Sir, aap jaldi yaha aye naake par..."

Sir"KYun kya hua??"

Havaldar:"Sir ek gaadi ne signal toda he aur maine us gaadi ko side me rakha he"

Sir: "To phir?"

hawaldar:"SIr, Us gaadi ka maalik bahut bada aadmi he sir .... mein uska challan nahi phaad sakta aap khud yaha aiye .., ho sake to SSP ko bhee layen"

Sir"KON MAALIK HE US GAADI KA??"

HAWALDAR : "WOH TO PATA NAHI SIR PAR USNE NE HE NA SIR ... AMITABH BACHHAN KO DRIVER RAKHA HE...."

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Najany kab say
grade buray aatay hain
Mujhe phir bhi akallll...ll.... kion nahin aati hai??
Najany kab say.....
sab formulay hain..!
sab theorian hain......!!
bhoola do unhain..!
jila do unhain......................
ahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhh
Door jitna 'A' hay mujh say... paas 'E' kay main..
Ab to aadat se hai mujh ko.. fail honay main....
teachers ko koi shikwa hi nah
Ab to zinda hoon main tuiition center main..
kitab aisi hai yeh meri.. chalti jaey...
theory aisi hain yeh isski.. mujh ko sata-a...!
yaad karna itna mushkil hai kay dil doob jaey...
aur aankhoon main yeh sum num ban jaey
hey hey haiy hi haey hay ohohohohhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
ab to aadat si hai mujh ko fail hoany main
hey hey haiy hi haey hay ohohohohhhhhhhhhh (Fatima Butt)

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Teacher: "you have to aim for 90%marks."
Student: "Don't worry sir I'll get 100%marks."
Teacher: "mazak kiun kar rahay ho?"
Student: "mazak shuru kisnay kiya tha?" (Mehru)

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Chaudry sahab takreer shoro karty howay bolay: "aaj meri takreer ka mouzo hai AAG DHOWANA AUR PANI" sada loh dehati bola Chaudry saab saf saf kiun nahi khatay 'Hokkay' per takreer karni hai..

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Aik dost dosray say: "yaar, sonay kay daant kiun lagwaye jatey hain?" dosra dost: "taakay muskurahat keemti nazar aey."

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Aik mota lerka: "Kal main aapki dokaan say saabon khareed kar lay giya tha aur iss say apni kameez dhulaie
to woh sokker kar choti ho gae abb main kiya karoon?" Dokaandaar bola: "Tum bhi issi saabon say naha lo."

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Aik andha shakhs police main bharti honay kay liye gaya. officer nay uss say kaha tum to andhay ho tumhain bhala kiss maksad kay liye police main bharti kiya ja sakta hai? Andhay nay faoran jawab diya "ANDHADHOND FIRING kay liye!" (Saiba Farooq)

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-Meri saas bhot achi hai..
-Mera bijli ka bill na honay ke barabar hota hai...
-Reema nay Meera ko apnay ghar daawat pay bolaya...
-Choola phathnay se baychari saas mar gae...
-Saas aur Baho khush gapon main masroof thi...
-Police walon nay rishwat se tuba kar li...
-Hamaray Siyasat daanon ne kabhi na larnay ka faysala kar liya hai... (Saiba Farooq)

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KAUN KHETA HEY K MAUT AEY GI TO HUM MAR JAIN GAY?
HUM BHI BARAY CHALAAK HAIN MANJI (CHAARPIE) THALEY WER JAAIN GAY (Saiba Farooq)

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DERKHTOON K PATTEY GIR GAYE PHOOL PATTAY JHER GAYE
ISHQ KARNAY WALAY MAR GAEY OLO K PATHAY REH GAYE (Saiba Farooq)

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Aik admi rang saz ki dokaan per gaya aur aik kapra dekha ker kehney laga k :"is kaprey per aisa rang karo k jo na laal ho na pela ho na gulabhi ho na jamni ho na kala ho ab batao k mein yeh kapra kab lenay aaoon?"
RANG SAZ NEY FAORAN JAWAB DIA: "os din jab na hafta ho na etwar ho na peer ho na mangal ho na
bodh ho na jumayrat ho na joma" (Saiba Farooq)

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If you're eating something,
One asks you : "Is that good?"
Nahi yaar!! I always eat things I hate..
Or
If you're in an accident,
Someone says : "Are you alright?"
Haan Haan!! thanks! , I'll just pick up my limbs and be off then!!
Or
If you're playing something,
Someone asks you : "Do you really like it?"
Nahi yaar!! I always play the thing I hate..

Moral: "Common sense is not common in society" (Faisal)

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