A bit Fancy - A bit Dancy - Same Dilbar - Same Site with a New Look!

Jokes
(Mix Moods)

India & Pakistan
In order to develop friendly relationship between the two countries, Atal Behari Vajpayee and Pervez Musharraf decided to visit each other's country regularly.
The first visit was by Gen. Musharraf to India. There Vajpayee showed him India's modern telecommunication systems. It was so good that Gen. Musharraf made a call to Zia-ul-Haq in hell and talked to him for 5 minutes! The bill for the call came to only Rs.1.
When Gen. Musharraf came back, he also wanted Pakistan's telecommunication systems to be at the best when Vajpayee visited Pakistan. Suitable arrangements were made. Vajpayee came to Pakistan, visited the telecom department and talked to Devil in hell for 5 minutes. But this time, the bill was Rs. 500!
Vajpayee asked with a sarcastic smile - "Why are telephone calls to hell so costly in Pakistan?"
A High level diplomat gave a smiling reply - "From India to hell, it is a local call, Sir, while from Pakistan, it is long distance!".

General Zia
General Zia driving round Islamabad came across long queues of Pakistanis outside several embassies wanting visas and entry permits to go abroad.
He got out of his car and joined a line to find out why so many people wanted to leave the country.
No sooner did people see their President with them they left the queue to return to their homes.
President Zia asked them why they were doing so. They replied: "If you are leaving Pakistan there is no need for us to go."

Creation of Universe
God was in the process of creating the universe. And he was explaining to his subordinates...........
"Look everything should be in balance. For every 10 deer there should be a lion. Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States. I have blessed them with prosperity and money. But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension.... And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature. But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes.... And here is south America. I have given them lots of forests. But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests... So you see fellows, everything should be in balance."
One of the angels asked... "God, what is this beautiful country here?"
God said "Aha...that is the crown piece of all. INDIA. My most precious creation. It has understanding and friendly people. Sparkling streams, serene mountains. A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live. Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold....."
The angel was quite surprised "But God you said everything should be in balance."
God replied "Look at the neighbors I gave them" !!

National Styles
An insect falls into a mug of beer...
Englishman : Throws his mug away and walks out
American : Takes the insect out and drinks the beer
Chinese : Eats the insect and throws the beer away
Indian : Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets a new mug of beer.
Pakistani : Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer, relates the issue to Kashmir, asks the Chinese for Military aid, takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer.

Banta
Banta was in the army. During the war with Pakistan, Banta used his intelligence to kill many Pakistani soldiers. He would hide behind the bushes and shout Pakistani names like - Imran Khan etc. and the soldier named Imran Khan would get up to say "I am here !" Then Banta would shoot him down. This went on till Banta almost wiped out all the soldiers single handedly!
Suddenly the Pakistani commander realized that Banta was killing all his soldiers by fooling them. So he decides to use Banta's own method to kill him and starts calling him names like Banta etc. Banta realizing that the Pakistani was using his trick, suddenly says "Who called me?" and the Commander gets up to say "I called you." Banta shoots him down!

Three Guys
Three guys, an Indian, a Sri Lankan and a Paki are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
"I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total" says the Genie.
The Sri Lankan says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Sri Lanka." With a blink of the Genie's eye,'FOOM' the land in Sri Lanka was forever made fertile for farming.
The Indian was amazed moving head traditionally, so he said, "I want a wall around India, so that no foreigners can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around India.
The Paki asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and completely surrounds the state. Nothing can get in or out." The Paki says, "My wish is that you fill it up with water."

Rules for Bollywood films
1) A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to cleanse his wounds.
2) If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
3) Nothing is too tight for Madhuri.
4) The hero cannot fall in love with the heroine (vice versa) unless they first perform a dance number in the rain.
5) Once applied, make-up is permanent, in rain or in any other situation.
6) Village girls who live among cows and sheep have perfect skin and teeth.
7) A large group of goondas can be shooting at the hero, but he will never be hit, unless of course he is attempting to save the chick.
8) A large group of goondas can be shooting at the hero with machine guns, yet they will always miss. Every shot the hero takes from his small revolver will knock down at least ten opponents in a line.
9) If you decide to start dancing in a field, everyone you bump into will know all the steps, and will be wearing coordinated outfits.
10) It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
11) You can always find a trimurti when you need one. (as in Anjaam)
12) If faced with certain death, do not panic. Merely chant, Ganpati Baba, and after a few short bolts of lightning, all will be well.
13) A heroine will have time to change outfits several times in one song, however short.

Questions & Answers
Q. You're locked in a room with Saddam Hussein, Adolph Hitler, and a Indian.You have a gun with two bullets. What do you do?
A. Shoot the Indian twice to make sure he's dead, so no political affairs will arise.

Q. What's brown and black and looks great on a Pakistani?
A. A Doberman.

Q. How can you tell when a Indian is lying?
A. His lips are moving.

Q. What do you have when a Indian is buried up to his neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand.

Q. Did you Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of Indians?
A. He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.

Sardar ji
One Day a fine girl proposed to a Sardar and Sardar denied, Simply saying that in their family they only marry their relatives :"My Mom married my Dad, My brother married my Bhabhi, my uncle married my aunt and so on. So please excuse me!!!"

Sunita
Sardar to Sunita: "I want to marry you Sunita"
Sunita: "But I'm one year elder than you"
Sardar : "No Problem! I will marry you next year."

Art gallery
Sardar at an art gallery: "I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call Modern Art?"
Art Dealer: "I beg your pardon Sir, it's a mirror!"

Phone call
One day Sardar said to his girl friend on phone: "Hey! come to my place tomorrow, no one will be there."
Girl friend went to Sardar's house next day there was no one...

For you
Good Person?    that's You!
Good Friend?    Its You again !
Good Taste?      that's You!
Good Will?        Its also You!
Good Looking?
Ahh..
that's too much for you!
that's ME..

Birthday Wife
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park.
He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down.
Then to a McDonald's, where her husband ordered her a Happy meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate drink.
Next, off to a movie, the latest Star Wars episode, a hot dog, Pepsi, and M&M's.
What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked,
"Well, dear, what was it like to be six again?" One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."

Baby Delivery
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon arrival the doctor said that he had invented a machine that would transfer a portion of the labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the knob at 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to bump the machine up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20%.
The doctor checked the husbands blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At 50% the husband was still holding up fine, since this was obviously helping out his wife he encouraged the doctor to transfer all of the pain.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were absolutely thrilled. Everything was great until they got home and found the mailman dead on their porch.

Swiming
"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'" (Paula Poundstone)

Designated Driving
"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house." (Jeff Foxworthy)

Die Numb
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather, who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."

John
John went for his annual physical test. All of his tests came back with great results. Dr. Cohen said, "John everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally, emotionally and are you at peace with yourself, and have a good relationship with God? "John replied, "God and me are tight. We are so close that when I get up in the middle of the night, *poof*... the light goes on when I go to the bathroom and then *poof* the light goes off!" "Wow," commented Dr. Cohen," That's incredible!" A little later in the day Dr. Cohen called John's wife. "Becky," he said, " John is just fine. Physically he's great. But I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof* The light goes on in the bathroom and then *poof* the light goes off?" Becky replied, "The darn fool!... He's peeing in the fridge again!" (By Unknown)

Jim & Edna
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the Director of Nursing became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays soundness of mind.
The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hanged himself in his bathroom with the belt to his robe right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

Dorothy & Eunice
Dorothy and Eunice are talking at the local coffee shop.
Dorothy: "That nice Bob asked me out for a date. I know that you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."
Eunice: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers. Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car, a limousine, uniformed chauffeur, and all.
Then he takes me out for dinner. A marvelous dinner, lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an animal! Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me, two times!"
Dorothy: "Goodness gracious! So you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"
Eunice: "No, no, no, I'm just saying, wear an old dress."

Teacher
A teacher asked his students pointing towards a map on the wall :"Now students! tell me where is the water in this map?"
Whole classroom replied positive except one arguing :"There is no water in the map, if there is, the map should be wet!!"

Proof that Girls are Evil:
first it's given that girls require time and money
Therefore  Girls = Time x Money
And we all know that "Time is Money"
So Time = Money
Therefore :
Girls = Money x Money = (Money)²
And because "Money is the root of Evil"
So Money = √Evil
Therefore:
Girls = (√Evil)²
From which I conclude:
Girls = Evil

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Cat
This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, an cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat, 20 cat, seconds cat....
Now read it without the word cat.

Blonde paint job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

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