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'Gossip'
by Binish

Gossip ...
...usually comes in the form of snide remarks, statements that are false, but appear to be based on fact and questions that on the surface appear to be innocently asked, but are destructive in their intent and are intended to bring IT ’S EVERYWHERE. And people who encourage them are everywhere. They anger you so much, especially if it concerns you, that you would always want to land an unfriendly fist on their face.
Imagine you are walking through your school or college hallway just to see your friendly cliques and gangs spotted all over the place. You notice this particular group of guys and gals all excited and huddled around each other discussing a really hot topic. As you get closer, you hear faint voices saying something that sounded like your name. Quite unaware of your presence, you get closer to find out that the subject of discussion was none other than you, and your latest crush on the cute new guy at college.

While there is nothing whatsoever going on, it is quite difficult for you to walk past them allowing them to go ahead with their gibberish. You make your presence felt only to have annoying questions hurled at you. Questions like, “Wow! How did it happen man?”, “Did you approach her first or did she come to you?”, “Tell us more about it,” are thrown at you. In the end, you just feel like you could crush the person who actually started the nonsense.
Yes, gossip is everywhere, be it your own locality, classroom or cliques, or the world of celebrities and the media. There are many people who thrive on such gossip and quite strangely, the people around you would love to devour it unless it’s something concerning them. These gossip mongers (the people out to make a sensational rumour which turns out to be the gossip) earn big bucks by spreading lies about a person which seem quite enjoyable to the people listening. We come across such gossip and gossip mongers everyday, and it’s really important to know how you face such issues and tackle such people.

Each one of us have come across such a person. (Who knows, we may be one ourselves). He uses innuendos, hints and associations to speak bad about other people. We quite often end up having a bad impression of whoever he is talking about. Actually, that’s the funny part, because, have you wondered why nobody makes a good gossip about someone? Intelligently, he twists the information and speaks indirectly. It is impossible to nail such people down, because it’s often hard to find out from where a gossip actually originated.

Some gossips are very effective. Well, effective here means how far the gossip is convincing. There was this gossip some time ago that Bryan Adams was diagnosed with AIDS and the doctors had informed him that he did not have much time left. That was the time when he had held a concert in a city as part of his ‘Last worldwide tour’. His time was near. The gossip and rumours spread, and everybody was talking about the sad plight of the rock star. Most of the people found it hard to believe, but they did accept it and the word spread. After two years, Bryan Adams came out with his next album and started other worldwide tours. It did not take long to find out that the AIDS story was just a big rumour. There was no use trying to find out where the gossip originated. In cases like these, it is quite difficult to find out the root.

Well, consider this. It was the time when Honda had launched a cool, new bike which looked really nice and with some jaw-dropping features. It was quite surprising to know that it was being made commercially available and the cost was quite affordable (well, sort of!). A friend saw a poster of the bike which really caught him into a craze for the bike. He told another friend who was with him how he planned to get one of those cool bikes once he got his license.
It wasn’t long before the word went around about the friend’s craze for the machine and how he was planning to buy it. First, the word was that he was planning to buy it sooner or later. Next, word went around that he had already purchased it. After a few days, the guys were talking about seeing him riding the bike over to the college hostel from home.
Quite frustrating, isn’t it? He hadn’t even got his license, let alone rides the brand new bike. And soon all the guys were asking the friend when he would take them for a ride on the ‘cool, new’ bike. Word went around, but it gradually died down when the gossip was ignored.

It is easy to turn a deaf ear to such gossip, but sometimes things are not so simple. A person’s image gets tarnished. Often, such gossip mongers can become irritating, and impulse suggests complaining to the teachers or somebody superior to discuss this situation. But such actions can sometimes impact negatively as the gossipmonger attains more freedom in his business. It will only make the subject vulnerable to more gossip and encourage the gossip monger to take advantage. The best approach however to the solution is to deal effectively with the gossiper and meet him head-on.
Whenever you feel that you are being involved in a gossip that’s spreading like wild-fire, make sure to find out the roots of its origin. Think over how you could have been part of this subject, try and recollect if you have any involvement in this matter and slowly justify your position to the people around you. Finally, head to the person, the poop-stirrer, who actually started the gossip.

Poop-stirrers are often filled with the feeling of powerlessness. Hence, they need to have information that others may not have, to become powerful. The problem is that there are many people who encourage this gossip monger especially if the person is well-known for having information about things going on in and around the locality. People tend to seek him out for the latest tidbit on what is happening and what is not. The mistake is that people who swallow all this gossip refuse to make verifications and blindly believes their informant, putting another person’s reputation at stake. Come what may, the ‘poop stirrer’ regains power, but in an illegitimate way.
The common characteristic of gossip mongers is that they are not firm on the information being shared, and lack confidence. They bait others with little information and urge them to ask for more. Curious people easily get hooked and love to hear many illegible so-called facts.

As a first step, avoid such conversations by expressing disinclination towards hearing bad things about other people. The target will then be changed to a safe person curious to hear such things and you are left alone.
Most gossipmongers talk in a vague manner. Yes, there are advantage in that, too. Being vague minimizes risks. If the gossipmonger understands that you do not accept things without proof, he will leave you alone. And, understandably, you get to hear lesser number of such tidbits.
While talking to such people, maintain strict eye-contact with them. This will help identify if he is probably lying or trying to feed you some cock and bull story. The gossipmonger won’t sound confident enough to communicate, and will try to break eye-contact from you.

When you feel that you are being fed with some rumour and slowly becoming a link in the gossip chain, try and interrupt the information flow. If you are quite sure that most of your friends and peers perceive him in the same way as you do, a collective action can help stop the problem. Neither you nor your friends should participate in the information exchange and display the least interest. Everyone should have a neutral attitude to his comments without reacting in a way he expects you to. That way he will know that you are not ready to accept his story. The moment he loses his audience, he is sure to divert the topic himself and choose a more plausible subject. If the gossipmongers are back on track, try to divert his attention towards work or some extra-curricular activities or even sports and games. If you find that this person excels in some field or if he has some excellent talents, discuss his strengths and opportunities whenever you meet him. You could even try talking to the person about some topic he would be interested in. You will be amazed at his interest to ignore gossip and speak about something else.
If none of these work, a polite reminder can do wonders. But handle the situation with care. Be reminded of the fact that you do not want to engage in that type of discussion and change the subject immediately.

It is quite interesting to note that gossip mongers do not start good rumours about people or something that would please them. Instead, they simply try and anger them by cooking up stories and spreading rumours. In what way do they enjoy it? In what way do they benefit from it? Once society stamps you as a gossip monger, it becomes really difficult to remove that tag even if you decide to mend your ways.

Quite often, it is not possible to find the roots and origin of a rumour, because by the time it reaches your ears it’s probably come a long way, diluted to every word. But if its roots are found, then that gossip monger is going to have a really difficult time.
Ultimately, gossip mongers are like little children — they are powerless and thereby trying to explore ways to feel more powerful. When they seem to get no attention at all, they start their chain of rumours and draw people to them. It’s up to their listeners to actually judge what is right and what is wrong and encourage their friend out of his bad habit. It depends on each and every person to make the right judgments and avoid the spread of unwanted gossip.

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